Kachou fuugetsu
by MelancholicGio
Summary: Kachou fuugetsu - 'flower, bird, wind, moon' ; experience the beauties of nature, and in doing so learn about yourself


There must have been a thought on my mind about a year ago. A sentence,as I can recall. Something worth enough telling her. At the moment it first occurred to me,it sounded true,pure,soft… it sounded like everything that's been on my mind for the past few years. Like all the mountains,rivers and sunsents that I have experienced. But now, laying on the wet grass,barely feeling my shirt getting soaked in the morning rain and not daring to yet open my eyes, I cannot remember that one sentence. The one thing that I thought would, perhaps, make it worth the wait. Make her feel like she means something, like everything she gave up for me has a meaning…make her feel loved.. Loved back.

Being so close to Konoha,only a few hours run from the place where I am now, stirs series of mixed feelings within me. I feel like even trying to detect each feeling and make out its meaning would lead to an even bigger mess inside my body and soul. I cannot help but think about all the years I've spent trying to understand this world better,and alongside the world,to finally become able to understand myself.

But,

Even in this situation of complete chaos, I cannot say I didn't make any progress. The progress is evident. In the way I think, in the way I no longer try to suppress emotions that I cannot understand or control,but rather begin to accept them fully and wholeheartedly. That alone, is a thing that I could not even bear to think about in my years of being an avenger. Then, I did not think,nor I felt. I simply did what had been my duty. I simply lived my life through curses, blood,hard words and obligations of honor. The voices of my soul and my heart had been too broken,too desperate that I had no strength to listen. I lived like this for the majority of my life,and therefore this sudden change of perspective is something I will probably never get fully used to for the rest of my life.

But.

Nowadays,there is always a but, in everything I do or say. There is always doubt, rethinking and observing. And I like it,oh so much. It makes me feel like I finally have a choice. Makes me realize that I am now free,free of hatred, of guilt and unshed tears. I am able to have a life of my own.

I am still laying on this wet grass without any answers. I am laying with a swirling mind and boiling soul,feeling like my heart will burst and its contents will spread all over my body and embrace me with warmth. I feel uncontently content. I feel human.

I quietly let a smile ghost over my face,like all those years ago. In this moment a thousand memories appear before my eyes. Memories of hugs and love and promises of tomorrow. I hear laughter and a sound of my mother's voice. I can see that baka's bright orange vest dirtied by rain mixed with blood and dirt and I can hear his desperate voice calling out for me. I can feel her fingers enveloping my waist,keeping me to herself like I was the most precious thing that she had ever held. I can feel her hot tears on my neck and a frightened scream stopping me dead in track.

And then it was all her.

Before me are the bright green eyes, and warm smiles reminding me of the first days of spring. The hurried steps and fresh scent of apples. The high moon that led me away from her, from us, from love. Before me there is a shy smile and a quiet question. Before me there is hope.

As I opened my eyes, the rain started slowing down. I got up from the ground taking off my muddied cloak as I put it on top of my shoulder. I was careful enough to pull out her letter from its pocket. The letter that brought me this close to home should be kept safely by my side,just where it belongs.

The clouds were gone now, replaced by a shy morning sun. Its soft light fell upon my face and it brought a feeling of comfort inside me,reminding me of her once again. Everything always did,nowadays.

My eyes suddenly grew big as I remembered.

I found my lost piece of mind.

My heart quickened, and blood started coursing through my veins as I started running as fast as my legs would allow. I didn't stop until I showed up in front of those familiar gates.

I made a first step inside the village, as I kept only one thought on my mind:

It always came back to her, back to home.

Tadaima, Sakura.


End file.
